Tags
Dating and Relationships, eating alone, happiness, independence, relationships, single, singleness
“Table for one, please,” I say to the hostess.
“Just one, miss? No one is joining you?”
“That’s right, just one,” I reply with a smile.
I wish I could describe the look on a hostess’ face every time I ask for a table for one. It is often a look of bewilderment and pity, but I genuinely love the reaction. You see, I love eating by myself, and I love showing people that it’s okay to love and to want to spend time with yourself.
I distinctly remember the first time I went out by myself. I was recently single (oh, the horror in high school!), and all of the people associated with that drama were on the same summer church trip. We were given two hours of free time to grab lunch, and everyone wanted barbecue except for me. I remember looking at all of them and casually saying, “I’ll see you later,” as I freaked out internally. At that point in my life, I defined myself by my limited friend circle, and being by myself was—to 11th grade me, at least—accepting a perception that I was not popular or liked. That afternoon, however, as I sat with a book and a plate of food that I actually wanted, I had a great conversation with a stranger nearby. As we talked about books and the reason that I was in town, I began to realize that who I am as a person is not defined by the company I keep or choose not to keep. It is defined by my willingness to reach out to others and to love the person I actually am.
These are silly anecdotes, yes, but as someone who lives in a new town as a single person, I am thankful for moments like those that taught me to enjoy my own company.
In graduate school, a part of me wondered if being on my own was a sign of weakness—that perhaps 11th grade me was right, and maybe I wasn’t worthy of love and affection. As I have visited unfamiliar restaurants, community organizations, and churches, however, I have realized that being able to spend time alone is a sign of strength.
As a single person in a new town, the world is my oyster. I have no commitments beyond my 8-5 calling. I can meet who I want, try new things, and go on adventures without worrying if someone else wants to join me or likes what I have planned.
One Sunday, I visited a new church and sat next to this sweet couple in their early 30s. The wife asked me my story about moving here. I explained my leap of faith, of taking a job where I had only one acquaintance and packing up my entire life in a month.
She looked at me, so sweetly and almost in awe. “You moved here, on your own, without knowing anyone and only visiting once?”
“I did,” I replied.
“Wow,” she said. “I could never do something that big on my own.”
“Wow,” she said. “I could never do something that big on my own.”
Until that moment, I did not truly understand that being on my own is considered strong. I never realized that someone might be in awe or even jealous of my independence. In a society where everyone is expected to pair off and to find a “better half,” I am “different” or “weird” for seeing myself as independently whole and not being in a rush to find that other whole person.
I have many friends who found the loves of their lives in high school or college, who cannot imagine a world without that partnership—and that’s okay. I am happy that they have taken the time to discover that they are happiest when sharing their world with someone. But I am so relieved that I am not ready for those same things. I am glad to explore the world around me on my own terms and to develop a love for people I have yet to meet.
Being alone, it turns out, does not make me weak. I am strong, I am whole, and yes, I would like a table for one, please.